We’ve all been there—blaming traffic for being late, blaming a tough boss for our bad day, or blaming a friend for an argument. It’s easy to point fingers. But what if I told you that taking accountability could completely change your life for the better?
Taking accountability means owning up to your actions, choices, and even your mistakes. It’s not about feeling guilty or beating yourself up—it’s about recognizing what’s in your control and using that power to grow. Studies show that people who take responsibility for their lives tend to be happier, more successful, and have better relationships.
Psychologists have found that people with an “internal locus of control” (a fancy way of saying they believe they have control over what happens in their life) tend to be more motivated and resilient. A classic study by psychologist Julian Rotter found that people who believe they shape their own future are more likely to succeed in school, work, and even relationships. On the flip side, those who blame outside forces tend to feel helpless and stuck.
When we take accountability, we stop making excuses and start making changes. Let’s say you didn’t get the promotion you wanted. You could blame your boss, or you could ask yourself, “What could I have done differently?” Maybe you needed to improve your skills or communicate your goals more clearly. When you take responsibility, you open the door for growth instead of staying stuck in frustration.
This also plays a huge role in relationships. Research from The Gottman Institute, which studies healthy relationships, shows that couples who take responsibility for their actions (instead of blaming each other) have stronger, longer-lasting relationships. When you own up to your mistakes, it builds trust and respect. It also makes it easier to work through conflicts instead of repeating the same arguments.
Even your mental health can improve when you take accountability. Studies have found that people who take responsibility for their actions have lower stress levels and are less likely to struggle with anxiety and depression. When we blame others, we give away our power. But when we take responsibility, we regain control of our lives.
So how can you start? Try noticing when you’re blaming something or someone else. Ask yourself, “What part of this is in my control?” Instead of saying, “That’s just how I am,” try, “What can I do to improve?” Small shifts in thinking can lead to big changes in how you feel.
Taking accountability isn’t always easy, but it’s worth it. It leads to personal growth, stronger relationships, and a more successful, fulfilling life. So next time you catch yourself making an excuse, take a deep breath, own your part, and take that first step toward change.
I’m a therapist in Los Angeles, providing psychotherapy to residents of CA and NY. I help clients overcome painful anxiety, debilitating trauma and complicated grief, using EMDR, IFS, Mindfulness-Based Therapy, Cog-B combined with the warmth and patience of an experienced therapist. Reach out today!